Dikerogammarus villosus, an AMPHIPOD! Photo by Michael Grabowski, whose watermark the journalist kindly cropped out in the article.
Brave readers, science-enthusiasts and naturophiles all, I dare you to look upon this terrible news article about an invasive amphipod crustacean in the UK
. Look upon it and despair! Behold, a Gammarid Amphipod referred to as a shrimp, a decapod, and a fish – all within the space of about a hundred words. Cower in fear as the amphipod is referred to in scare quotes as, “the Killer Shrimp”. Thrill that this monstrous 3 to 30 mm animal predates other creatures “simply for the bloodlust” and is a “cannibal” since it eats other arthropods; their “shrimpy kin”.
Christ, he hits almost every point of Martin Robbins’ brilliant spoof of bad science writing.
The author extolls:
What an animal!
Emphasis his own: As if to say, “Woah, crustaceans are actually animals!”
Oh look, it’s lunch time. I think I will go cannibalize a chicken sandwich.